Tears

So have you ever started crying out of no where? Thursday night I was in the shower and started crying. I think it is the first time I have really cried for this last baby. Baby #4 has been gone for over two weeks and I thought I was OK about it. I know there will be hard times ahead (my brother and sister-in-law are due 12 days after our due date) but I felt like I was doing well. I guess I was wrong. I cried for like 30 minutes (the hot water was starting to turn cool). Even after I got out (who wants to be in a cold shower AND crying) I had trouble stopping the tears. I am not sure what started the tears, maybe looking down at my not flat (will it ever be flat again??) but not 15 weeks pregnant belly? Or it was late and I was tired? Or was it because my hormones are out of control still (my body still thinks it is pregnant but my numbers are coming down the way the doctor wants)? Or was it a just because? Or a little of everything?? I felt better after crying and I know I needed to grieve for baby #4.

The nurse that called to tell me my hormone numbers said it would take at least 2 more weeks, maybe more for my level to be down to normal (not pregnant). After that we are going to run some test to see if we can find any answers to why we have had two miscarriages. Then I think we are going to sit back and enjoy Eli for a bit (not that we are not enjoying him now). I need time and so does my body.

Thank you for all your prayers! Don't forget to cry when you need to!!